by "The Real A"
Date: Sat, June 27, 1998 10:23:32
To: Mr. Mark Bakalor (mark@hijinks.com)
From: The Real A (real@sondheim.com)
Subject: your fershluganah site
I'm trying to go to our form to write the column, and yet I can't go to the form to write the column because I get that oh so tiresome icon which tells me "the SSS can't be reached right now or is too busy to use". Hence, I suppose I will have to write the column later. But I'm feeling funny now. I don't know if I'll be funny later. I might be feeling morose and despondent later and then what kind of column will I write? People will read it and KILL THEMSELVES and YOU will be responsible for the blood and carnage. Please let me know when it will be up and usable and I wil attempt to still be funny even though I may be morose and despondent because of the later hour.
I wrote that letter, dear readers, on Saturday
morning. By Saturday afternoon I had received
no reply, so I knew something heinous
(heinous, do you hear me?) was afoot.
Something not right was afoot. Something
afoot was not amouth. There was evil in the
air. There was the foul stench of something
anose. And what that something ahand was was
that the Stephen Sondheim Stage was not
working! Yes, you heard it here, dear
readers, the Stephen Sondheim Stage, so named
after my close personal friend Mr. Stephen
Sondheim, had simply ceased to exist. I could
not access said site, nor could you, dear
readers. I called Mr. Mark Bakalor
on the telephone (yes, I have his actual home phone
number!) and he confirmed to me the heinous (heinous, do you hear me?) news. The whole
works were mucked up. Mucked up works, that
was the problem. The works weren't working,
they were, in fact, mucked up. And so, for
the first time in forty count them forty
weeks I was not able to write my column. O
infamy! O horror! Mr. Mark Bakalor basically
told me that the site would not be back up
until Monday, and by then it would be too late
for me to come up with a whole column in short
order. Mr. Mark Bakalor was very frustrated
by this situation. For you see, not only did
Mr. Mark Bakalor have his Internet provider
muck up his works, he also turned twenty-one
this very weekend. He was so frustrated, in
fact, that he ate a cheese slice, something
he never does! He was so frustrated that he
ate his entire birthday cake all by himself
including the candles. So, now Mr. Mark
Bakalor has not only had a birthday and
mucked up works, he has also gained twenty
pounds and has the waxy buildup.
So, I apologize that there will be no column this week. I also apologize that there was no trivia question last week, but in my haste to get to the airport, I plum forgot. Do you know what it's like to forget your plum? I hate that. However, next week I promise to write an extra special long column, because I have so much to tell you, dear readers. I have seen The X Files, I have seen Chicago (the musical not the city), I have heard the cast album of Saturday Night. All that and more (including the latest revelations from Miss Meryle Secrest's searing biography of me) come next Sunday evening. I missed you terribly, dear readers but we can now all breathe a collective sigh of relief now that the works are no longer mucked. Until Sunday night, have an absolutely beautiful week.
Send all comments and questions to me at
real@sondheim.com or use the form below...
Until next week, I am, as I ever was, and ever shall be...
Yours, yours, yours, yours, yours.
“Assassins is about how society interprets the American Dream, marginalizes outsiders and rewrites and sanitizes its collective history. "Something Just Broke" is a major distraction and plays like an afterthought, shoe horned simply to appease. The song breaks the dramatic fluidity and obstructs the overall pacing and climactic arc which derails the very intent and momentum that makes this work so compelling...”
- Mark Bakalor
“I found [the Sondheim Celebration's Company] to be completely delightful. Almost all of the numbers excited and energized me, and most of the scenes were about as pitch-perfect as you can get. I just sat there with a big smile on my face the whole show.
Which is not to say that it is perfect...”
- popcornonmyknees
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